Once again our Easter brunch menu will be ham, Jezebel sauce, cheese grits, mixed fruits with poppy seed dressing, fresh green beans (slightly over-cooked, of course), rolls, and Eagle Brand(tm) lemon pie.

Heh. I’d never realized until I typed that out just how Southern our traditional menu is. I’ll pass on the Peeps, but don’t mess with my grits! Have a lovely Easter.

Cheese Grits

16 servings; hands on time, 20 minutes; ready in 75 minutes

• 6 cups* water
• 1 1/2 cups* quick grits (six servings according to the package)
• 6 Tbsp light butter
• 1 lb low-fat processed cheese (such as Velveeta, 2%), cubed
• 2 tsp seasoned salt (such as Lawry’s)
• dash of hot sauce (such as Tabasco)
• dash of Worcestershire sauce
• 2 large eggs, slightly beaten
• 1/4 cup fat-free egg substitute

Preheat the oven to 300* degrees. Spray a 13×9″ baking dish (glass preferred) with cooking spray. Set aside.

While the oven preheats, bring the water to a boil and cook the grits according to package directions, probably 5-7 minutes. Stir in the butter, cheese, salt, hot sauce, and Worcestershire, stirring until the cheese melts. Stir in the egg and egg substitute.

Transfer to the prepared baking dish and bake for 50-55* minutes, until slightly firm. Let the dish sit 5-10 minutes before serving.

*Notes . . . cook six servings of quick grits with a bit more water than the package calls for, according to package directions. Also, you can bake the grits in a hotter oven (325 or 350 degrees) and reduce the cooking time for convenience. Just be careful that the bottom of the pan doesn’t scorch before the middle is set.

Per serving, approximately 120 calories; 3.8 g. fat; 15.0 g. carbs; .8 g. fiber; 451 mg. sodium; 7.3 g. protein

So why this sudden Osmond resurgence? I think I know why.

Because the world has gone craaa-zy. Before heading out to bid this year good riddance a fond farewell, here’s a quick re-cap. We can skip the parts where Paris was in and out of jail and Britney was, hmmm, Britney. Let’s just take a look at fourth quarter craziness.

In October, the Mommy Wars escalated in a tif over the ethics of vegetables. Is it wrong to secretly smush them and hide them in the kids’ brownies? Can you go so far as to lie tell an untruth about it? And never mind that the smushed veggie recipes seemed to have been “borrowed” without giving credit.

In November, the early seasons of Sesame Street were released on dvd. They are rated “adults only.” Among other reasons, Cookie Monster exhibits addictive behavior. To sugar.

In December, the Surgeon General announces that Santa needs to lose weight. He’s a bad role model. And the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas agrees. They have pledged to lose weight before their July confab. Piling it on, one Australian department store instructed its Santas to no longer say Ho Ho Ho since this might offend some women. Can you picture a buff Santa saying Ha Ha Ha?

Now just in time for year end if you thought it can’t get any more bizarre, Britney Spears’ little sister is pregnant at age 16. And that’s not the bizarre part. The really, really bizarre part is that Mama Spears had a book deal that’s been put on hold. Her book on parenting was coming out for Mother’s Day. Please tell me there’s a punch line in there somewhere.

The “wholesome” 70’s and the Osmonds are looking pretty good right now. Retro (and veggie-free) treats sound even better. If the food police show up, tell them the white stuff is cauliflower.

Crispy PB & Chocolate Bites

Makes 64; about 15 minutes hands on; ready in 45 minutes

• 2 Tbsp butter
• 3/8 cup peanut butter (smooth or crunchy)
• 1/4 cup white chocolate chips
• 2 cups (about 5 oz) mini marshmallows
• 3 cups crispy rice cereal
• 1/4 cup mini chocolate candies, such as M&M’s

Spray an 8″-square baking dish with butter-flavor cooking spray. Set aside. Spray a large sauce pan with butter-flavor cooking spray. Melt the butter over very low heat. Add the peanut butter, chips, and marshmallows. Stir until the marshmallows are melted, about 4 minutes. Add the cereal and candies, stirring to coat.

Press the mixture into the prepared dish. Cut into 1″ squares when cooled.

Per square, approximately 28 calories; 1.4 g. fat; 3.4 g. carbohydrates; .1 g. fiber; .5 g. protein

Several years ago, I met a Weight Watchers member who was succeeding on a long and difficult weight loss journey. He had wonderful family support, and he shared a recipe that his brother, a chef, created for his first Weight Watchers Thanksgiving. Now Thanksgiving is definitely a day for Sometime Food, but this is a recipe with all the goopy decadence of the “real thing” without the regrets.

White Chocolate Ambrosia

Serves 8; about 10 minutes hands on; ready in 20 minutes

• 1 (15 oz) can light fruit cocktail
• 1 (15 oz) can pineapple tidbits in juice
• 1 (11 oz) can Mandarin oranges
• 1 (1 oz) pacakge sugar-free white chocolate instant pudding mix
• 1/2 cup (4 oz) fat-free sour cream or plain yogurt
• 1 cup fat-free whipped topping

Drain fruits, reserving 3/4 cup liquid. Mix pudding with the reserved juice. Stir in sour cream or yogurt and then fold in the whipped topping. Fold in fruits. Chill at least 10 minutes in the fridge.

Options:

• Add a sliced banana when ready to serve.
• Garnish with toasted coconut, minced maraschino cherries and/or toasted pecans.
• There is enough “dressing” for another 15-oz fruit to stretch the dish to 10 servings.

Per 2/3-cup serving, approximately 116 calories; 0 g. fat; 26 g. carbohydrates; 18 g. sugars; 1.2 g. fiber; 1.3 g. protein

I confess that on Thanksgiving I turn this Anytime Food into a Sometime Food, throwing in mini marshmallows, coconut, and nuts. It’s a Sometimes kind of day.

It’s just not Thanksgiving without the stuffing. Or is that dressing?

Stuffing or dressing? Sage or not? Cornbread or white bread or both? Apples? Oysters? Nuts? Sausage? In the turkey or in a baking dish?

My answers? Dressing, sage, both, no, no, no, no, no.

Everyone has an opinion about “the” perfect dressing. Or stuffing. See? We can’t even agree on what to call it. With such strong opinions about what makes the perfect dressing, when every part of the country and almost every family has its own only-way-to-make-it and must-have ingredient, why would any sane person jump into this fray? Three reasons.

First, dressing is easy—time-consuming, but easy. So if you’ve been intimidated but would like to give it a try, here’s a basic recipe to start with. You can add your own touches. See the make-ahead schedule below to simplify it even further.

Second, although stuffing will never be on the Cookie Monster’s Anytime Foods List, this version uses some lower fat substitutions and has about 67% of the calories of the USDA “average” home-prepared stuffing. It also weighs in at 31% calories from fat rather than 44%. It’s a great example of what a little substituting can do. Just don’t tell anyone, and they’ll never know the difference. By the way, this recipe evolved from the 1964 Joy of Cooking, but I notice that it is very close to Paula Deen’s Southern Thanksgiving version, which I see will be repeated tomorrow morning.

Third, the cooking technique is a great convenience and stress reliever. It saves precious oven space and results in dressing that is both moist and fluffy. If you have your own favorite dressing (or stuffing, if you must), you still might want to give this cooking method a try.

• Three days (or up to three weeks) before Thanksgiving, make the cornbread. Cool, crumble, and freeze.
• Two days (or up to two weeks) before Thanksgiving, toast and cube the bread if you’re not planning to use prepared cubes. Freeze if you’re doing this more than two days before.
• One day (or up to two weeks) before Thanksgiving, chop the celery and onion. Saute and add seasonings. Freeze if you’re doing this more than two to three days before.
• Also, one day before Thanksgiving, thaw any frozen ingredients in the refrigerator.
• Thanksgiving morning, mix the cornbread, bread, eggs, and vegetables with the seasonings. Add the broth and it’s ready to cook.

Of course you can do all of this at the last possible minute. That works too. Trust me on this; I have experience.

Slow-Cooker Cornbread Dressing

Serves 20-25; about 60 minutes prep; ready in 4 1/2 – 5 hours

• 8 cups* cornbread, crumbled
• 8 cups (about 1 lb) white bread cubes*
• 2 Tbsp butter
• 1 cup chopped fresh parsley
• 2 1/2 cups finely diced celery, about 8 stalks
• 3 1/2 cups finely diced onion
• 8 Tbsp light butter, sliced
• 1 Tbsp salt
• 2 tsp dried basil
• 2 tsp dried tarragon
• 2 tsp dried sage
• 2 tsp paprika
• generous 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup fat-free egg substitute, such as Egg Beaters
• 2 cups* fat-free, less sodium chicken broth

Combine the crumbled cornbread and bread cubes in a huge bowl. Set aside. Melt the butter over medium low heat in a large skillet. Add the parsley, celery, and onion. Saute until the onion is transparent, about 10 minutes. Turn off the heat and add the light butter. Sprinkle with the salt and next 5 ingredients. Stir until thoroughly combined.

Whisk together the eggs and egg substitute and pour over the bread mix. Add the vegetable and seasoning mix. Stir, folding gently.

Spoon into a slow cooker and cover. Turn to High. Pour about half the chicken broth around the edges of the cooker. Cook on High for 30** minutes. Pour the remaining broth around the edges. Stir the stuffing around the edges into the center of the pot. Cover and turn to Low. Cook for about 3** hours, stirring the edges into the center about every 45 minutes. Add additional broth around the edges, if/as needed.

Per 2/3-cup serving, approximately 156 calories; 5.4 g. fat; 22.8 g. carbohydrates; 6.1 g. sugars; 1.1 g. fiber; 4.8 g. protein

* Ingredient notes

• Two boxes/packages of cornbread mix, made with low-fat substitutions, makes just over 8 cups.
• At the bakery in your market during the holiday season, you may be able to find bread cubes already prepared. They are perfect and a big time saver. If you are preparing your own, bakery bread rather than pre-packaged is strongly recommended.
• To substitute fresh herbs for the dried, you will need three times the amount specified.
• You can add in nuts, fruits, oysters, or browned sausage per your preference.
• Check the seasonings after about 2 hours and adjust as needed. (Our last test needed a bit of additional broth and salt added during cooking.)

** Cooking notes

• The timing given is for a newer (hotter) model slow cooker. In my old (cooler) one, I cooked the dressing on High for 45 minutes and on Low for 5 hours. Adjust the timing according to your experience with your cooker. The heat settings on slow cookers changed in the late 1990’s.
• The dressing may also be baked, covered, at 350 degrees for about 1 hour, uncovering it during the last 15 minutes if you like it browned on top.

Like any new mom, she was finely tuned in to the nuances of her baby’s health. So at the first sign of “jaundice,” she called the doctor and rushed me in. It turns out the “jaundice” was not the warning sign of some dread disease, and it was limited to the tip of my nose. The problem? Too many carrots. The solution? Stop feeding me so many carrots.

Carrots aren’t a “bad” food. In fact, carrots are a very “good” food. But too much of a good thing is . . . too much.

Fast forward 40 50, okay okay 60 years, and we have the announcement last week of the dire health condition known as popcorn lung. First let me say, that I don’t think adding diacetyl to microwave popcorn is a good idea. In fact, it’s a really bad idea no matter how buttery the flavor or how “natural” it is. Diacetyl has been making popcorn factory workers sick for years. In fact, the condition was known as popcorn workers lung. In my book, diacetyl shouldn’t be used until safe working conditions can be provided.

But this latest news frenzy isn’t about popcorn workers, it’s about popcorn consumers, well, that would be consumer. Wayne Watson consumed two to three bags of microwave popcorn every day. That would be three cases of popcorn per month.

Is microwave popcorn a bad food? Not at all. So how do you prevent popcorn lung? Stop eating so much popcorn. And how do you cure popcorn lung? Stop eating so much popcorn. Too much of a good thing is still too much whether it’s microwave popcorn or carrots.

Wayne’s mysterious declining lung capacity reversed–he no longer needs an inhaler or steroids–when he cut out the popcorn. And there’s a bonus besides his 15-minutes of fame. He’s learned to snack on fruits and vegetables, and he’s lost 35 pounds.

If you want to make popcorn the old-fashioned way, here’s a how-to guide from Elise at Simply Recipes for perfect popcorn. But then it may not make you famous like Wayne.

How do you do that? It depends. Isn’t that helpful?

The timing and temperature varies with the freshness and temperature and type of nut or seed, sometimes by quite a bit. Here are two methods with some general guidelines.

Place the nuts or seeds that you want to toast in a dry skillet. Heat to medium, shaking the pan often (almost constantly) to turn the seeds or nuts and move them around. This is usually a bit faster than the oven method (below), and since you can use the same pan for additional cooking, it saves on clean up. Be careful with seeds however. Some of them, such as sesame seeds, will jump as they toast.

You can also toast nuts and seeds in the oven. Use any baking pan, no need to spray it. If you are heating the oven for another dish, any temp between 325 and 400 degrees will do. You can even put the pan in the oven before it completely preheats. Check the nuts or seeds often, shaking the pan when you do. They will go from will-these-ever-be-done to burned very quickly. I ususally set the timer for 5 minutes (3 minutes if the oven is pretty hot), but some will take as long as 8-10 minutes.

They are “toasted” when they develop a little color and have a bit of a fragrance.